Reciprocity in Dating
As an educator I often teach students how to have a simple conversation. It usually
goes this way:
When someone says, “hello, how are you?” The appropriate response to engage with them would be to answer how you are and then ask them the same question or a follow up question and actually listen to their response as well. Then this exchange continues back and forth covering a multitude of topics until either party closes out with a farewell and they walk away.
Now if kids of various ages can comprehend and implement this basic concept, why am I seeing and hearing about so many seemingly intelligent and mature men struggling with the reciprocity of a simple conversation.
A social media celebrity posted a video highlighting how awful it is to engage with many men who struggle to carry out a basic conversation. She shared how she was talking to a man and was asking how his day was and he replies, “good”. She pauses and waits for more, but the more never comes. He doesn’t share a detail from the day, he doesn’t ask her how her day was, nothing, just one word. “Good”.
When I watched the video, I found myself nodding in agreement, because as someone who can talk to a brick wall, I have found myself coming into contact with several men who exemplify her experience. What becomes more mind blowing is the fact that it’s often men who claim they are trying to get to know you or better yet date you, and they spend most of their time dry texting with one word responses, or sending an inordinate amount of good morning and wyd texts.
Like seriously sir this type of behavior does not capture a woman’s attention or make her heart do the slightest pitter patter. It’s actually down right annoying and inconsiderate. It comes off as you have no genuine interest and you’re somewhat self-absorbed to the point that you can only talk about yourself or want to get your point across. Do you even want to learn anything about the woman? If not stop talking to her.
Those of us that are single and seeking relationships, we know that the waters are pretty murky and must be navigated with caution, but too many people are out here making it way harder than I personally think it needs to be. I haven’t been back on the dating scene long, and most days I honestly don’t know if I’m dating or just having conversations with a man here or there before he disappears or I lose interest. However, one thing that I do know is if you desire a relationship and take the time to actually go out on a limb and “shoot your shot” with someone, go all in. Make the basket. Stop circling around the freakin' rim.
Begin with talking to the person. I’m not talking about their favorite color or favorite food either. I’m talking about conversations that actually matter and allow you to genuinely see if you desire developing a connection with one another. See what you have in common. What are their interests? Are you equally yoked in the morals, values, and ideas that are of importance to each of you? What’s their family background like? Do they want the same things out of life?
I hear so many men say they are tired of the dating game, tired of being single, they want something more serious, but those words struggle to match any action or those words are supported by minimal effort.
I simply say, if you want more you need to do and be more your dog gone self. Maximum effort should be given to achieve the type of relationship you desire. It can’t be a haphazard task taken lightly.
No matter how much trepidation I have for trying to get back into the dating world, I always go into any situation with a potential suitor with honest and clear intentions. I express myself effectively, I try to communicate regularly, and enjoy going out to do things in person together.
At this point in my life, I’m not interested in simply going with the flow, when I don’t know how you’re trying to flow. I want us to be flowing in the same direction with clear intentions. I know that getting to know someone new can be difficult, but you have to be open to the possibility of what really opening up to someone could do for you.
It takes time for relationships to form, but I challenge people who are dating to really ask themselves are they doing the things it takes to even get to a relationship status, if that is what you say you desire.
I’m all about reciprocity in the dating game. I match energy and effort. If you call me, I call you. You pay for dates, I will as well. I want to put in the effort to get to know you and I want you to get to know me. It can’t be one sided or it’s going to snuff out the flame before it can even be fully lit.
Consistency is key and what you put out initially is what you’re showing a new person. So when you don’t listen or engage with them in the ways they desire it puts a little road block in your path.
Dating right now in 2022, is a very interesting arena to exist in, but I’m out here trying. I’m willing and ready to give 100% to someone deserving, who is willing to give me %100 right back.
I too am tired of the single life. Tired of the ups and downs and back and forth of constantly re-entering the “talking “ stage, but that hasn’t hindered me from allowing myself to engage with someone when they come around.
I’m hopeful that my person is out there, ready to engage with me in every way so we can be a bomb ass couple. I don’t know when or where he is going to pop up, but if he happens to be reading this, just know I’m ready.