I have always been FAT. I became OBESE. I became MORBIDLY OBESE. I have lived as a MORBIDLY OBESE person for much of my adult life. Why did I capitalize these words you may ask?
I need to emphasize them. I felt such shame in hearing them for as long as I can remember. Not fitting societal norms of perceived beauty and standards of attractiveness most of my life, left me feeling that those words were negative.
I will never forget being in 4th grade and a boy called me fat (which I was). My Ma raised me to be tough and I remember responding: “I am fat, but you aren’t skinny either, now what?” You can believe he never mentioned my weight again.
In 6th grade I can remember wanting to try out for cheerleading and a negative girl talked about how “impossible” it would be for me to make it. So again, my Ma worked with me, helped me diet and get in shape and ultimately, I had the best middle school cheerleading experience of
my life!
There could’ve been numerous reasons in high school and college that the “dating scene” wasn’t for me, but I think a small part of it was hidden under the layers of excess skin, fat, and what I thought people thought of me.
In adulthood I found myself watching season after season of Biggest Loser, wondering did I qualify. Then I came across My 600 lb life and knew I wasn’t “that big”. But what the heck does “that big” even mean.
I was big enough to be unhappy, to stifle my personality (yes, I know that’s hard to believe because I am such a social butterfly), to wear a 2x or 3x and only shop in the plus sized section. I just always felt that people were looking at me sizing me up. I was “that big”
2013 started by journey of trainers, diet programs, cleanses, pills, you name it, I tried it. I lost, plateau’d , gained, lost, but never maintained. I began to think I was failing my body. Maybe I was just destined to be “big boned”, “fluffy” “the big friend” whatever cute thing we say when its simply fat.
I casually tossed around the idea of weight loss surgery for years. Talking about it here and there with a few friends. Talking to people who have done it before. But I felt like no, I can do this. The reality was I TRIED and TRIED without it and was unsuccessful.
Through prayer, research, and support groups, I made the decision to finally proceed with a decision that has really been a lifetime in the making.
July 13, 2020. I had Sleeve Gastrectomy surgery. It was a difficult mental decision and the preop work had me the weakest I have ever been physically, but it was the easiest decision to make a step toward drastically changing and improving my health.
I started my preop journey at 272 pounds on June 18. Today I weighed in at 239 pounds. I am losing the weight. My tool is working. I haven’t been able to work out yet, due to healing, But I feel GREAT. No complications thus far and I am following my prescribed food stages to a T.
I did this for ME. To feel good in my skin, to improve my health, to get rid of knee pain, to genuinely smile, to not stifle myself based on appearance and even my own perception.
I am on an 18th month journey to shed 100 lbs. It will not be EASY. It will be HARD! But let me tell you I am ready for this Challenge. I DESERVE it!